after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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