Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
