There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
