hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
