Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
