20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
