How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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