you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
