his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
