So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize