why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
