no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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