boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
