i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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