His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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