I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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