I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
