Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
