Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
