I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
