More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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