I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
