im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
