Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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