Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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