Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
