the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
