This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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