after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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