She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
