oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
