How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
