Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I forget how to act sober
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
