Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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