FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
