I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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