I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
