Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
