also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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