It's Friday. Sex?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
