i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
