i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
