escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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