I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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