Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
