I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
