so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
