Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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