OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
