not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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