is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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