So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
