Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
