Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
