Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
