I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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