You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
