I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
