what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
