so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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