Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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