She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
