So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't deserve a penis
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
