martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
