talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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