well I can't set my house on fire every night
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
