Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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