Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
