Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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