ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
