dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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