Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
