I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
